Thursday, March 15, 2007


so the other night me and Reno went to the Lager House in Detroit to see Slim Cessna's Auto Club...i think that's their name. i don't know, Reno knows. i don't listen to music. but anyways, well first of all, let me ask you people a question (those who've met or know me) do i look like the kind of person who's just so damn friendly you can just come up to me and start a conversation? or do i look like the kind of asshole who'd threaten to punch your kids face as soon as they popped out of their vaginal fortress of solitude? THE LATTER I HOPE!!! COMPLETE YOUR DECISION NOW!!! GWAAAAAAAAUGH!!!

anyways, while we were waiting for the band to play, Reno and I were standing up against a wall just being totally awesome when this short-shaved-headed-tatoos-and-piercings-everywhere looking guy walks up to me pats me on the shoulder and has a huge friendly smile on his face and says to me, "HEEEEEYYYY!!! HOW YOU DOING!?!?"

i have no idea who this creepy little man was, but he acted like he knew me. i say something like, "good thanks....all right, goodbye" then turn back to Reno to continue a conversation that he interupted. the guy just stands there for a minute and then walks away.

anways, the band starts and we all pack into this tiny ass little room with a stage, maximum capacity is like 30 people. We spot someone up at the front of the stage who looks like Mark Heggie. he's got an orange button up shirt on with a black tie, a mustache and a beard that looks like Satan who runs a carnival freakshow, long tied back hair, sun glasses, and a huge ass cigar in his mouth. basically looking like the bad ass dude that Mark Heggie is.
next thing we know some dude is moshing around up front and Heggie starts glaring at the guy like he wants to kill him. shortly after, Heggie basically does kill him. he shoves the guy from the front of the stage all the way to the back through everybody with one hand on the guys chest and one hand on his cigar then shouts at him to get the fuck out. starts to walk back to the front of the stage and then turns back to give the mosher a look that just screams, I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU WITH MY BRAIN!!!!
the mosher runs out of the bar like he's about to cry. about 10 minutes later, he comes back ultra drunk and starts moshing at the back of the stage trying to get to the front. (first of all, i'm ALL for moshing. but when you're at a bar concert around a bunch of people who already can't move because the lights from the ceiling are stabbing them in the's not a good time to be moshing). so this guy keeps jumping on me and Reno and a bunch of other people. Reno's pushing this idiot out of his way non stop but he keeps on moshing. then the short-shaved-headed-tatoos-and-piercings-everywhere looking guy starts moshing with the guy and knocking reno around indirectly, which lead Reno to push and shove back. Then all of a sudden short-shaved-headed-tatoos-and-piercings-everywhere looking guy grabs a hold of Reno's arms and starts shouting at him like, "C'mon stop fucking pushing me! you guys are no fun!" and they lock arms like their either about to fight or make out, so i wedge myself inbetween them and push short-shaved-headed-tatoos-and-piercings-everywhere looking guy away and yell, "DUDE! FUCKING STOP!!"
what do you say to that? i didn't know at the time either, so i say, "uh, good. thanks."
then he walks away and up to the bar and buys a beer.

anyways, i dont' get it. either i knew that guy or he knew me, or people just think i'm a complete joke. i dont know, i'm horrible with faces and names. i dont' even remember what half my relatives look like.

just like this one time, when my car broke down and i had to walk home from work when i used to live downtown and it was pouring rain out, this guy drives by with this girl and shouts out the window "THE FUCKING CHUNG!!! THE CHUNG ROCKS!! WOOOOOOOH!!!" i have no idea who this man was, but he stopped the car so i say , "HEY! what are you guys up to?" hoping he'd offer me a FUCKING RIDE!! but nope, he just replies with , "nothing, just driving around. ok see ya!" and drives off.
I MEAN C'MAAAAAAUGHN!!!! well, atleast the sewer vents kept me warm while walking home.

ok enough about my little life, here's the next show that i'm in coming up soon:

i won't be able to make it, but if you live out in the LA area, just go already damnit. i'll be arriving to LA in June.
here are some sketches you can look at that i'll probably turn into paintings soon too:

you can't see it in this sketch, but she's actually vomiting on her kid.
nothing more than a nipple twister

ok, i have to go get ready for a wedding now. so, i'm gonna go eat some cereal or something.


Sunday, March 04, 2007

new works

HI! it's March and it's getting closer to the day that i leave for California. to reiterate my show schedules, make sure you make it to either one of these two specific shows. Two separate Artdork shows on the same exact night June 9th on two separate coasts of the US.

-New York City @ the McCaig-Welles Gallery
-Los Angeles @ Thinkspace

The Artdorks are back and are taking over your brain meats on one glorious night!
here's a taste of a painting i just got done with for the show at Thinkspace

Title: "Even Asian People Don't Understand Grimace"
Medium: acrylic on Canvas
size: 14" x 11"

I actually went with a more "technical" route with this painting. i sketched, i did color comps, and all that crap. WANT TO SEE THE SKETCH FOR IT!!?? yeah i bet you do. oh yeeeeah. so delicious!! TASTE MY PUDDING!!

ok, so there isn't much of a difference between the sketch and the painting. but that's the whole point. the painting went by ultra fast because of the absence of FUCKING AROUND!! ok, here's some other tastey nuggets of crap that i've done too.

These were for that show in Hoboken. Desiree sewed and framed that fuzzy vagina for me. unfortunately the gallery director pulled it from being shown last minute because he said it was not in good taste. if you ask me, the whole show was in bad taste. it was based around a short story some guy had wrote about a guy who was adopted by a giant mutan bunny that shot bunny fetus' out of it's vagina and the guy ate them for survival. atleast that's what i think that story was about, i didn't actually read the whole thing. but COMAUGHN!!!! how is a FUZZY FAH-GINA NOT IN GOOD TASTE COMPARE TO THAT!?! IT'S CUTE AND DELICIOUS!! If provoking the feeling of wanting to put your face up to the mutant triple clit and rubbing your face all over its massive Vagi-lips is in bad taste, I DONT' WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S NOT!!!GAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!! THE WORLD NEEDS MORE MUTANT PUSSYLIPS!!

ok, anyways...

OH YEAH! i no longer teach anymore!! I QUIT!! UUUUGHN!! YEEAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!! BEST DAY OF MY LIFE THAT WAS!! so i no longer have to watch my language at school OR anywhere else for fear of losing my job!! so, FUCK FUCK FUCK DICK BALLS CUNT SHIT DAMN VULVA ASS DOG CAT TREE SHOES SPIDERMAN!!!