Sunday, December 24, 2006

I'M MOVED!!

GOOD HELLO! so i've finally moved out of Downtown Detroit, and moved into the suburbs...i guess if you want to call it the suburbs. my new place is twice the size of my old place and costs the same, and it's next to all these grocery shops, so i can finally eat my own cooking rather than dollar menu meals. everything about this place is great!! except for the neighbors. DAMNIT I HATE MY NEIGHBORS!! YOU CAN HEAR EVERY SOUND THAT GOES ON IN THE OTHER APARTMENTS, YOU CAN SMELL EVERY SMELL, YOU CAN TASTE EVERY TASTE!! WHY DO I ENJOY LICKING MY WALLS SO MUCH!?! I HAVE ONE NEIGHBOR WHO SEEMS TO WANT TO KILL ME. EVERYTIME I WALK OUT OF MY APARTMENT HE RUNS OUT OF HIS TO SEE WHO IT IS. HE EVEN PULLED A KNIFE ON ME ONE NIGHT, "JUST IN CASE YOU WAS SOMEONE ELSE. YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL BECAUSE I'M HANDICAPPED, THAT'S WHY I ALWAYS ANSWER MY DOOR WITH THIS HERE KNIFE." first of all this guy, Jeff, the first time i met him, he said that this neighborhood is ultra safe. "I MEAN LOOK!! I KEEP MY GODDAMN SHOES OUT IN THE HALLWAY AND NOBODY'S TOUCHED THEM!! you think i'd leave my fucking shoes out like this if this place weren't safe?!? H'NGH!? GAAAAUGH'URGLE...URGLE..."
first of all, your shoes consist of flip flops and a sock. WHO WOULD WANT TO TOUCH YOUR SHOES YOU CRAZY DICK!!
well, i guess i've been getting used to walking by his apartment, it's been sort of fun. i'd sneak and run by it as fast as i could to get upstairs without him coming out to investigate. kind of like avoiding zombies. i haven't seen him much lately though because i think i shattered his manhood the night he pulled a knife on me. First of all, i was already pissed from having worked 14 hours at two jobs that day and to come home to neighbors...i wasn't about to have it. but i didn't do anything crazy, all i said after he explained why he comes to the door with a knife...i just stared at him and said, "well, i'm sorry to have scared you, Jeff." then kept walking past him. to which he replies with, "NAAWGH MAN..YOU DIDN'T SCARE ME! I WAS JUST...PSSH, YOU DIDN'T SCARE ME. ..ok. bye dave"

haha...stupid jeff.

then i have this ultra-BITCH!! living right under me. One night Desiree and i came home after work around 10:30 and brought tacobell home. we simply pulled our chairs out from under the table and sat back down. it made a squeek or two. 20 seconds later there's a pounding on my door. we don't answer because we thought it might be Jeff wanting to see if he could come in and talk. then came another pounding, then another. finally i answer the door and it's this lady in her robe. "CAN YOU GUYS PLEASE LEARN TO BE MORE COURTEOUS!? ALL I HEAR IS CHAIRS DRAGGING BACK AND FORTH!!"

WHAT!?! THAT WAS LIKE FOR A FUCKING SECOND YOU UGLY BALLSACK!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!?! SHUT UP AND GO BACK DOWNSTAIRS AND SUCK SOME DICK!!

then there's this old lady who hates all smokers and seems to scream at everybody by putting up signs all over the place, like the one on her door, "OXYGEN IN USE..." and some other shit i dont much care to reiterate. plus she's a cat woman.

i smell cigars, weed, hippy, rice, and shit always seeping out into the hallways and into my apartment from the other apartments..

i think the only neighbor i have that i like is a guy who always waves to me from his bathroom window at 8:00 every morning when i'm starting my car to go to work. the only problem is he just stands there WAVING!! OK!! I FUCKING SEE YOU!! DAMNIT!!

well, the good thing about this place is, my car insurance finally went down by $1200.


i'll post pictures of my place up when i get the chance.


OH! but before i leave, if you can pick up the next issue of Applied Arts Magazine, i was commissioned to do the call for entries poster that comes with it. so go and pick up an issue when it comes out next month.

3 Comments:

Blogger Chris Mostyn said...

Merry Christmas to you too. Boy! What a grouch!

10:57 PM  
Blogger CMR said...

OY! Merry Christmas Chung Nogg.

Where you at in the burbs man?

1:06 PM  
Blogger the chung said...

thanks, merry christmas to you guys too. i'm out in madison heights now...by the oakland mall.

1:50 AM  

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